A Man Loses His Soul
FRANK: Hi.
ST. PETER: Hello!
FRANK: Am I dead? I remember a car coming toward me.
ST. PETER: I’m afraid so. Sorry about that.
FRANK: Yeah. I guess I’m glad there’s an afterlife, huh?
ST. PETER: Well, yes. I hate to tell you this, but your soul is not going to get in to Heaven. I’m really sorry.
FRANK: What? But I led a good life! Oh God, I’m going to hell, aren’t I?
ST. PETER: Actually, no.
FRANK: Limbo?
ST. PETER: No. Actually, very few people get any of those right.
FRANK: Why?
ST. PETER: Cameras.
FRANK: Cameras?
ST. PETER: They’ll steal your soul.
FRANK: What? That’s absurd.
ST. PETER: Well, you might think it’s absurd. Someone else thinks it’s absurd not to eat meat on a Friday. The only people we get in here these days are third world tribes.
FRANK: So people’s souls are really being stolen by cameras? What kind of system is this?
ST. PETER: Don’t look at me, you people invented cameras.
FRANK: Well, then where am I going?
ST. PETER: It looks like your annoying friend Tammy has taken the most pictures of you, so you’ll be spending eternity in her Fujifilm S9100.
FRANK: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! Tammy never shuts up.
ST. PETER: Sorry about that.
[ENTER M’TOTO, a tribesman with a spear and clearly covered in blood]
M’TOTO: Excuse me.
ST. PETER: Oh, hello! Well, it looks like I’ve got plenty of space in Heaven, so I guess you can come in.
M’TOTO: I bathed in the blood of my enemies!
[He walks in]
FRANK: Are you kidding me?
ST. PETER: Never had his picture taken.
FRANK: It’s not fair!
ST. PETER: Yeah, I’m sorry, buddy.
FRANK:…She’s so obnoxious.
ST. PETER: I know. What’s her deal?
FRANK: I think she’s overcompensating for the fact that she’s perpetually single.
ST. PETER: I guess I could see that.
FRANK: Yeah.
ST. PETER: Actually, she’s still got a good chance at getting in to Heaven.
FRANK: What? Surely someone’s taken her picture!
ST. PETER: If you think about it, her facebook profile picture is —
BOTH: A cat.
FRANK: Yeah, I didn’t think of that. Well, this sucks.
ST. PETER: Yeah, I wish I could help you.
FRANK: Well, I guess I’ll see you.
ST. PETER: Yeah. Have fun with Tammy’s cat.
FRANK: Huh? Oh yeah. I’ll try.
[POOF]
ST. PETER:…Well, back to The Hunger Games.
