Haunted Collectors
JOHN: My name is John Zaffis. I’m a paranormal investigator, and I’ve found that sometimes spirits attach themselves to objects. That’s where my team comes in. We find the haunted item and remove it to my museum, letting the spirits rest in peace. Because I am the haunted collector.
JOHN: Where did you first start hearing the sounds in your house?
NANCY: Well, most of them came from the bedroom, by this wall.
JOHN: Okay. I see here you have some really cool-looking swords.
NANCY: Yes, we got those on a trip to England.
JOHN: Well, I’m definitely getting a spike in the readings. You should probably let me remove them to a safe location.
NANCY: It seems like maybe you just want the swords for yourself.
JOHN: No, not at all. It’s part of the process of ghost removal.
NANCY: Okay, I guess. If it will stop the noises, you can have them.
JOHN: Great. Oh….also, I think the ghosts are also attracted to these copies of Breaking Bad on DVD.
NANCY: I seriously doubt that.
JOHN: Trust me. Ghosts love watching seasons two and three. I’d better take these.
NANCY: Now wait a minute. I let you take the swords because they were ancient artifacts that might have some bloody history that made the spirits angry. How could Breaking Bad possibly have anything to do with ghosts haunting this place?
JOHN: Do you know anything about ghosts? I didn’t think so. I’m a paranormal investigator. I know what ghosts want, and these ghosts want two seasons of Bryan Cranston at his best. Do you happen to have an unopened roll of paper towels and some like, nice body sprays? Because ghosts love those.
NANCY: Now I think you’re just grocery shopping in my house!
JOHN: Not at all. Oh shoot. Do you have any probably haunted cream cheese? Ghosts need that to make a casserole for dinner tonight.
NANCY: Get out of my home.
JOHN: I’ll just be grabbing this —
NANCY: NO!
JOHN: Fair enough.
NANCY: Get out.
JOHN: You’re welcome.
JOHN: Overall, I think that was a successful investigation. Hopefully, Nancy will soon see —
NANCY: GET OFF MY PORCH!
JOHN: Okay.
