A Man Uses His Roommate’s Stuff Again
JENNIFER: Hey Tad.
TAD: Hey.
JENNIFER: So you know how I told you never to use my machine that can tear a hole in the fabric of reality?
TAD: Oh sure.
JENNIFER: Did you use it?
TAD: Listen, dude, the —
JENNIFER: The reason I ask is because there’s a hole in the fabric of reality on the kitchen table.
TAD: Why would I use your machine, dude?
JENNIFER: I don’t know, but it’s pretty obvious you used it.
TAD: I was just making breakfast. I didn’t have anything to do with —
JENNIFER: Oh, so you KNOW that there’s an interdimensional portal coming out of the centerpiece.
TAD: Yeah, I couldn’t miss it.
JENNIFER: That’s interesting that you just happened to be making breakfast at the time that that portal just “appeared” randomly.
TAD: Yeah, it was crazy. I was just making some eggs.
JENNIFER: Oh yeah? What kind of eggs?
TAD: Like, normal ones.
JENNIFER: Oh yeah? Like, what do normal eggs look like?
TAD: Uh, well…
JENNIFER: Are they three feet across? Do they have firebreathing squid inside them? Because I’m not familiar with THAT KIND OF NORMAL EGGS.
TAD: Well, I don’t know about that, I just saw some eggs and thought —
JENNIFER: Can I tell you what I think happened?
TAD: Well, sure, but I —
JENNIFER: I think you looked in the fridge, saw that there were no eggs, and were too lazy to get up and drive to the store, so you used the interdimensional puncturer to try to find some eggs.
TAD: Naah, I went to Gelson’s.
JENNIFER: Gelson’s? Oh, you mean the charred hole in the ground that’s currently infested with giant firebreathing squid?
TAD: Oh, bummer. I was going to ask you to pick up some milk.
JENNIFER: I’m not going to run your errands for you! Look, I don’t care at this point. Just STOP USING MY STUFF. I don’t come in here and start brushing my teeth with your toothbrush. It’s gross and unsanitary. Just like it’s gross and unsanitary to unleash hundreds of baby tentacled creatures that might possibly take over our planet on an unsuspecting public.
TAD: Chill out. I won’t use it again. I think a squid got your machine anyway.
JENNIFER: Damn it. Fine. I’m going to go fend off some gigantic flamethrowing cephalopods.
[SHE LEAVES]
TAD:….
TAD: I’m hungry.
[HE WALKS BACK THROUGH THE RIFT]
