A Chameleon Goes On A Date
IVAN: Hi, Alice.
ALICE: Hi, Ivan. You look nice.
IVAN: That’s actually a branch. I’m over here.
ALICE: Oh. Sorry. Where are you?
IVAN: See the green leaf above the branch?
ALICE: Not quite.
IVAN: The one that’s moving like it’s in the wind?
ALICE: Oh, I think I see it. Is that you?
IVAN: Yeah.
ALICE: You know, you could change colors. That might help.
IVAN: I guess I could do that for a second. I just didn’t want to come across as too forward.
ALICE: Oh, there you are. Do I seem too forward?
IVAN: I don’t actually know where you are, so I can’t, oh, I can kind of see your eye.
ALICE: I think this might have just been a poor choice on my part to ask you to meet me at my tree.
IVAN: Oh, no, you have a nice tree. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised you invited me.
ALICE: Oh. I mean, I like you a lot. You always have, like, really insightful things to say.
IVAN: Oh thanks. I really liked the joke you made the other day about having grasshoppers for breakfast.
ALICE: Oh cool.
IVAN: Yeah, it’s just like, how do you even —
ALICE: I don’t mean to interrupt, but I think you’re talking to that branch.
IVAN: Oh, sorry.
ALICE: It’s okay. I made the same mistake.
IVAN: I knew that was a branch, and then I must have forgotten.
ALICE: It’s understandable. It’s a weird-looking branch.
IVAN: It is! You don’t have to blend in at all if you don’t want to.
ALICE: Yeah, I just have this fear of coming on too strong. A couple males have told me I come across as creepy.
IVAN: You? Not at all.
ALICE: Well, I could see it. I’d come up to them all bright yellow, and they’d be like, you’re weird, Alice. So now I’m like, how much can I possibly blend in, you know?
ALICE: Ivan? Are you still there?
ALICE:…
IVAN: Sorry, I fell off the tree for a second.
ALICE: Oh my God, I was talking to the branch again.
IVAN: We should just get away from that branch!
ALICE: I know!
IVAN: What is wrong with you, branch?
ALICE: ‘I’m a branch that looks like a chameleon.’
IVAN: Ha ha ha!
BRANCH: Spare some bugs?
ALICE: Oh my God. Sorry, sir. We didn’t realize you were there.
BRANCH: Crazy dragonflies…nymphs on the river…
IVAN: We should probably go.
ALICE: Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t realize —
IVAN: Oh no, I’m right there with you.
ALICE: Weird. Anyway, I’m just trying to meet someone who doesn’t think I’m a freak, but it’s this weird, delicate balance between being confident and not scaring males off. And I overthink these things, you know?
ALICE: …
ALICE: Where are you?
IVAN: Walking down the tree trunk, right by you, I think.
ALICE: Wait, are you the twig or the bump next to the twig? Because I was just talking to the twig.
IVAN: You’re not the twig?
ALICE: Hah! No! I guess I’m glad you think that’s what my figure looks like.
IVAN: Oh, you probably look great. Oh, I forgot, I brought you a mealworm.
ALICE: Aww, my favorite!
ALICE: ……….[chomp]
