The Chosen One
NYMPH: Welcome back, Chosen One. I see you have successfully claimed the Armor of the Gods, the Sword of Power, and the Amulet of Healing.
PRINCESS: Yeah.
NYMPH: You are now ready to face any situation, no matter how dire.
PRINCESS: I actually had a question.
NYMPH: Very well. Ask, and I shall answer.
PRINCESS: Don’t get me wrong, this stuff’s great. I killed a lot of orcs the past few weeks.
NYMPH: Indeed.
PRINCESS: Is there like, a magic ring of not being awkward?
NYMPH: I’m sorry?
PRINCESS: Sorry, that’s stupid. I just kind of thought that all this stuff would make me better at interacting with people. So far, not working out.
NYMPH: Princess, you are the Chosen One, like Sir Kenneth before you.
PRINCESS: Okay, see, that’s what I mean. Sir Kenneth was all like, “here’s an inspiring speech I just pulled out of the air!” Did you hear my last talk?
NYMPH: Well, no.
PRINCESS: I went off on this weird tangent about fish. I don’t even know. I thought that if I started with a metaphor about something I’d figure it out by the end of the speech, but instead it was just super weird.
NYMPH: Well, maybe if you told me what it was, I could help you with it.
PRINCESS: I don’t even know. It was like, going into battle is like being a trout.
NYMPH: Maybe if you made it salmon, you could talk about swimming upstream.
PRINCESS: See? That would have been good. I just said something stupid about how our swords are like lemons and shields are like butter. God, I think I said the phrase “tasty combo.”
NYMPH: I could kind of see what you were going for.
PRINCESS: Don’t patronize me. I know it was terrible.
NYMPH: Well…sorry I couldn’t make it, by the way. I meant to come, but I totally had to give a shield to some guy.
PRINCESS: No, I get it.
NYMPH: I mean it.
PRINCESS: Right.
NYMPH: I know that sounds like a fake —
PRINCESS: No, no. It’s fine.
NYMPH: Okay. Just so you know.
PRINCESS: I know…
NYMPH: …Well, I’d offer you some lunch, but I’m afraid I only got enough for myself.
PRINCESS: Oh, no, I mean, I’ll probably have some trout at the inn or something.
NYMPH: They do a good trout.
PRINCESS: Yeah. It’s like…eating…a battle, and the only lemon you have —
NYMPH: I’m going to stop you.
PRINCESS: I’m just missing like, one thing there.
NYMPH: Yeah. Maybe just skip metaphors for now.
PRINCESS: Maybe.
NYMPH: …Well, congratulations about getting the Sword and Armor and all that stuff.
PRINCESS: Thanks, yeah.
NYMPH: I have to go dematerialize or whatever.
PRINCESS: Okay. If you want to hang out later —
NYMPH: I’m super busy, so.
PRINCESS: Right. Cool.
