Brynna Campbell: Archive

Jan 26th

Alan Hanson: The Hard Things →

thewordhole: daveholmes: God, this is beautiful. I like how much and how well we’re talking this week. Let’s not stop. lieslieslies: Recently a soft and astute human being told me that a positive side to a bad experience I had was that it makes me uniquely qualified to help someone going through something similar. This was yesterday. And I couldn’t help echoing this thought in my mind as I...

Jan 21st

124 notes

Dec 24th

A Neighbor Has a Complaint

GAIL: Hi, Cynthia, I was wondering if you might do me a favor. CYNTHIA: Sure, anything. GAIL: Well, I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got some kind of time machine in your backyard, and it seems to be overlapping into my yard a bit. CYNTHIA: Yeah, it’s some pretty big equipment. GAIL: Yeah, it’s knocked over most of my hydrangeas. CYNTHIA: Well, you know,...

Nov 22nd

An Expose on My Awkward Brain

As I sit here, cocooned in my fish-patterned blanket as the rain pitter-patters against my much drawn-on bedroom window, my space heater blasting hot air at my day bed, I think about the obstacles I face as an awkward human being. It’s not a matter of not knowing what to say at times, or that I am somehow intellectually stunted. It is that I overthink everything I do in my life, whether...

Nov 20th

A Man Does Not Meet His Spirit Animal

OLIVER: Whoa. ALLIGATOR: Hello, Oliver. I’m your spirit animal. OLIVER: Oh, wow. Really? ALLIGATOR: Yes. I have some advice for you. OLIVER: What is it? ALLIGATOR: Come closer and I’ll tell you. OLIVER: Oh, I see how it is. You’re trying to trick me. ALLIGATOR: What do you mean? OLIVER: You’re going to try to lure me towards the swamp and then eat me. ...

Nov 14th

Nov 2nd

3 notes

Rodent Enthusiasts

JIMMY: Hey, Hal, nice place you got. HAL: Thanks, Jimmy. JIMMY: Oh man! You have got to be kidding me! HAL: What’s up? JIMMY: Is this a 2005 guinea pig? HAL: Oh ho! A fellow classic rodent enthusiast? JIMMY: You bet yer ass I am. I got an ‘09 Russian dwarf hamster in my garage. HAL: Oh, man, hell of a rodent. JIMMY: They sure don’t make ‘em like they used to. Is...

Oct 30th

Watch

markdavidchristenson: The Original Monster Mash written by @nickwiger directed by Justin Donaldson MY NEW FAVORITE HALLOWEEN SONG! I play keyboards in this. It couldn’t possibly be more unsafe for work.

Oct 28th

A Man Diagnoses Himself as a Vampire

KEN: Hi, Dr. Stern. DR. STERN: Hello, Ken. What’s bringing you in today? KEN: Um, I don’t really know how to say this. I think I might…be a vampire. DR. STERN: A vampire? Okay. Why don’t you tell me your symptoms and let me diagnose you? KEN: Um, okay, so I used to like garlic bread, and then last night I went to this restaurant called Big Mikes, and I ordered it,...

Oct 28th

A Lady Complains About A Costume Party

LADY AUBER: Welcome to the costume ball, Lady Vincent. I am pleased you could attend. LADY VINCENT: Thank you, Lady Auber. And as what, pray tell, are you dressed? LADY AUBER: Why, I should think it rather obvious. LADY VINCENT: You have a ball gown and one of those masques on a stick. LADY AUBER: Yes! Do I not look lovely? LADY VINCENT: I suppose. I don’t mean to be blunt, but...

Oct 25th

A Conversation Between Scylla and Charybdis

SCYLLA: Hey, Charybdis? CHARYBDIS: Yes, Scylla? SCYLLA: Am I fat? CHARYBDIS: What? Don’t be ridiculous. You look lovely. SCYLLA: It’s just that I’ve eaten so many sailors this week. CHARYBDIS: Please, girl. I’m the one who devours ships whole. SCYLLA: And yet you don’t gain a pound! CHARYBDIS: Oh my God, stop it. Everyone knows I’m a gaping...

Oct 25th

A Man Fails A Rorschach Test

DR. LEE: Okay, so I just want you to look at some of these ink blots and tell me what you see. JACK: Okay. DR. LEE: Here’s the first one. JACK: I see….a person walking a dog. DR. LEE: Okay. And this one? JACK: Um…a rain cloud. DR. LEE: Okay, this one? JACK: It looks like…a car. DR. LEE: A car? How do you figure? JACK: Well, those are the wheels, and there’s...

Oct 21st

A Mind Meld Goes Awry

PALEK: Please, human, tell me what you remember of the crash of your starship. MARK: It’s blurry. I can’t seem to remember much. I’m sorry. PALEK: There is a way to make things clearer. Look into my eyes and open your mind to me. MARK: Okay. I’ll try. PALEK: Clear your mind. MARK: Okay, I guess. PALEK:… MARK: Whoa. How are you doing that? PALEK: It is...

Oct 19th

A Man Loses His Soul

FRANK: Hi. ST. PETER: Hello! FRANK: Am I dead? I remember a car coming toward me. ST. PETER: I’m afraid so. Sorry about that. FRANK: Yeah. I guess I’m glad there’s an afterlife, huh? ST. PETER: Well, yes. I hate to tell you this, but your soul is not going to get in to Heaven. I’m really sorry. FRANK: What? But I led a good life! Oh God, I’m going to...

Oct 18th

A Man Meets His Future Self

FUTURE DANIEL: Daniel! DANIEL: What the hell? FUTURE DANIEL: I’m you from five years in the future. Listen, I don’t have time to explain, but you need to ask Kelly out before it’s too late! DANIEL: What do you mean? FUTURE DANIEL: Huh? DANIEL: Why don’t you have time to explain? You obviously have a handle on time travel. FUTURE DANIEL: There just isn’t time! ...

Oct 14th

Monkey's Paw

MATTHEW: Hi, I’d like to return this monkey’s paw. GYPSY WOMAN: Ha ha ha, I told you to be careful what you wished for! MATTHEW: Yeah, thanks. I’m married to a cat because I didn’t technically specify that I wanted a human wife. Way to go. GYPSY WOMAN: A ha ha ha ha! You should have heeded my warning! MATTHEW: Why would you give it to me in the first place? GYPSY...

Oct 13th

Haunted Collectors

JOHN: My name is John Zaffis. I’m a paranormal investigator, and I’ve found that sometimes spirits attach themselves to objects. That’s where my team comes in. We find the haunted item and remove it to my museum, letting the spirits rest in peace. Because I am the haunted collector. JOHN: Where did you first start hearing the sounds in your house? NANCY: Well, most of them came...

Oct 12th

1 tag

Oct 11th

401 notes

A Supervillain Gets The Number of a Good Doctor

PROFESSOR TERROR: So we meet again, Jupiter Man! You won’t foil my plans this time. JUPITER MAN: Is your voice always that scratchy? PROFESSOR TERROR: My voice is none of your concern! JUPITER MAN: No, it’s just that I think maybe you should get it checked out. Last time we talked, I kind of assumed you had a sore throat or something, but if it’s a chronic problem, you...

Oct 10th

Two Golden Retrievers and Their Pet

BALOO: Ohhhhhhh, look at that! Aw, you’re soo cute. Honey, come look at this. Our man thinks he’s dogs. Look at him on all fours! A boojiboojiboo! A boojiboojiboo! Look at you! Honey, get in here. HONEY: Awwww, I wish we had one of those things that makes a picture of whatever’s going on at the time so we could look at this forever. Oh, someone’s getting licked on...

Oct 8th

A Man Uses His Roommate's Stuff Again

JENNIFER: Hey Tad. TAD: Hey. JENNIFER: So you know how I told you never to use my machine that can tear a hole in the fabric of reality? TAD: Oh sure. JENNIFER: Did you use it? TAD: Listen, dude, the — JENNIFER: The reason I ask is because there’s a hole in the fabric of reality on the kitchen table. TAD: Why would I use your machine, dude? JENNIFER: I don’t know, but...

Oct 7th

Sam Moves Out

SAM: Morning, Will. WILL: Good morning, cupcake! SAM: Don’t call me that. WILL: I made breakfast! SAM: I’m moving out. WILL: What? Why? SAM: Honestly? I’m sick of you pushing your junk on me. WILL: You loved my green eggs and ham! SAM: Yeah, they were good. What wasn’t good was you hounding me for three hours about it. WILL: Aw, come on, man! It wasn’t...

Oct 6th

A Chameleon Goes On A Date

IVAN: Hi, Alice. ALICE: Hi, Ivan. You look nice. IVAN: That’s actually a branch. I’m over here. ALICE: Oh. Sorry. Where are you? IVAN: See the green leaf above the branch? ALICE: Not quite. IVAN: The one that’s moving like it’s in the wind? ALICE: Oh, I think I see it. Is that you? IVAN: Yeah. ALICE: You know, you could change colors. That might help. IVAN:...

Oct 4th

An Anteater Tries to Get Itself Renamed

ANTEATER: Hi, is this the Natural History Museum’s Taxonomy Department? DOCENT: Um, hello? Is someone here? ANTEATER: Hi, yeah. Sorry, I’m not quite tall enough to reach your desk. I’m having a bit of an animal classification-related problem. I wasn’t sure who to talk to, and a friend suggested I try the museum. DOCENT: You’re an anteater. ANTEATER: Right. We...

Oct 1st

The Chosen One

NYMPH: Welcome back, Chosen One. I see you have successfully claimed the Armor of the Gods, the Sword of Power, and the Amulet of Healing. PRINCESS: Yeah. NYMPH: You are now ready to face any situation, no matter how dire. PRINCESS: I actually had a question. NYMPH: Very well. Ask, and I shall answer. PRINCESS: Don’t get me wrong, this stuff’s great. I killed a lot of orcs the...

Sep 30th

An Awkward Conversation Between Racist Dragons

TIAMAT: Look, I’m not saying I don’t like ALL Chinese dragons, I’m just saying I’ve never wanted to show one my lair. SCYLLA: But I still think that’s racist on some level. TIAMAT: I don’t know. Maybe. But can you imagine being with…I mean, they have like…tiny arms. SCYLLA: Oh my God, Tiamat, Jormungandr is going to send us to another tolerance...

Sep 29th

The Saga of My Roommate

Hi everyone. As most of you know, I’ve had some crazy Craigslist roommate stories over the last 10 or 11 months. Evelyn tried to rappel off the balcony. She was on a nothing-but-broth-and-radishes diet. She was sued by her boyfriend for three million dollars. And she just stole all my personal belongings. I’d like to post the full story here so I’m not so alone in this. I...

Aug 17th

1 note

Watch

This video answers the question: what could I do today that makes me even less relatable to other human beings? This is what I came up with.

Mar 7th

Watch

sassinganimals: Girl, as a California Towhee, your taxonomy status might be debated, but your status on “Whether-or-Not-You-Should-Live-in-My-Apartment” is not. Go back to that chaparral where you belong. And take those tail feathers you left in my sink with you.

Mar 2nd

1 note

Rough version of my new song. Quick, everyone,...

Jan 19th

How To Tell If I'm Interested

It’s a new year, and with that comes some new self-evaluation. I’ve been told by many people that I’m hard to read, especially to guys, so in the interest of shedding some light on that, I’ve written a handy guide to my own (and hopefully other ladies’) behaviors. Enjoy! If I’m Totally Interested: A guy enters the room. 1. I make eye contact, then look away,...

Jan 5th

Brynna's Recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies

I thought I would bake some chocolate chip cookies for the Harold sign up line tomorrow morning, so here are my own special directions, in case you’re interested: Buy a bag of Nestle’s Tollhouse Chocolate Chips. Follow the directions for chocolate chip cookies on the bag. Don’t forget to preheat the oven to 375! Stir in 1 tsp. of love! Put those cookies in the oven, and blow...

Dec 3rd

The Chris Gethard Show Cross Country Adventure by... →

spolikeluzhate: The Chris Gethard Show is driving cross country in a Motor Home. 12 days on the road no working shower. WHAT IF I GET MY PERIOD?????? Just kidding, I’ll get a D&C right before the trip. If you have some spare change, click the link and make a donation so that we can do weird stuff. This is great, and I want us to catch the tail end of it, so donate something if you have...

Nov 12th

20 notes

tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Aug 6th

Jun 4th

66 notes

My Dating Tips (1-100), In One Place for Easy...

Brynna’s Dating Tips #1: Try going out with full zombie makeup on. It’s a great conversation starter! Brynna’s Dating Tips - #2: Wear a wedding dress on your first date. Guys: Tuxedos! That way, you’ll never show up under-dressed again! Brynna’s Dating Tips - #3: Apply the advertising “Rule of 7” to your dating life. Leave 7 voice mails on his phone....

Dec 29th

5 notes

Nov 16th

My most downloaded song, for your Halloween...

Oct 28th

Sep 30th

Aug 26th

No Fillings This Time

I went to the dentist yesterday. Going there is always a mixture of anticipation and horror, although lately it leans toward the latter (I no longer qualify for the free fake vampire teeth and plastic animals from the prize box). I walk in the door to the office and secretly hope it will be a while in the waiting room. There’s a fascinating copy of Details magazine with Jason Bateman on...

Aug 22nd

Something I wrote back in high school. I think...

Aug 22nd

Breakfast and indie rock: Bon Iver to play... →

yourkitchensink: Anyone else up for some early morning indie-folk rock in a cemetery? This looks amazing.

Aug 22nd

Jul 5th

Jun 25th

Watch

I say them. Well, not in this video. But I do.

May 26th

May 17th

REBLOG THE FUCK OUT OF THIS. WARNING: AMC theaters...

azizisbored: I went with a friend of mine to see Star Trek: The IMAX Experience at the AMC Theatre in Burbank today. I drove out of my way to see the film on the large IMAX screen and paid an extra $5 for the ticket, which felt worth it at the time. HOWEVER, we get in the theatre and its just a slightly bigger than normal screen and NOT the usual standard huge 72 ft IMAX screen. I was very upset...

May 12th

788 notes

May 6th