I’ve always considered myself a feminist. I believe everyone should be treated equally, and with the same respect. There are real feminist issues, like rape, birth control, and equal pay that I would love to see people fight for. But there are so many issues that feminists get completely wrong, and it’s really been rubbing me the wrong way lately.
The thing that’s been endlessly bugging me about feminism is that most people aren’t taking into account half of the equation. They talk about how women should be treated as people. And I agree. But in doing so, many feminists end up doing what they accuse their male counterparts of doing, and it drives me crazy.
I grew up in a household with a wonderful father and brother who never treated me like I was a gender. My dad’s only repetitive advice to me was “you can do anything you set your mind to do.” To which I would try to find something I couldn’t do, like grow wings and fly (“but you could hang glide!”). He didn’t once say GIRLS can do anything. Because that separates us into genders. It didn’t even occur to me that gender made people different, and anyone who said something to the contrary in school was an idiot (to be fair, I thought a lot of people in school were idiots).
My brother and I used to play mad scientist, where we’d invent things or pick up bugs or make potions (usually dirt and whatever liquids we could find in the house that were deemed safe by my mom). We played Power Rangers, and had lightsaber duels with broomsticks. Never once did I hear a, “you can’t play that, you’re a girl.”
And these are just two examples of the many awesome men I’ve been around in my life.
It’s because of these men that I have a complaint with the way the majority of feminism seems to be running itself. Because it’s a two-way street. The moment you start saying that all men are oppressing you instead of jerks, you’re being sexist.
Equality isn’t, “now we can be creeps, too.” I’ve seen so many feminists do things that they think make them unique and progressive that they would detest if a man did it. I’ll give you two examples:
1) “You’re a MAN, you’d never understand.”
If a dude said, “you’re a woman, you’d never understand” to me, I would be PISSED OFF. Because it denies the idea that I could have basic human empathy. And the more we deny men of having basic human empathy, the more we widen the gender divide.
2) “Oh, I’d fuck Robert Pattinson.”
I know you’re feeling empowered when you say things like this. But put this in a different light:
“Oh, I’d fuck Megan Fox.”
If a guy said that, you’d be PISSED OFF. And rightfully so. But before you say, “well, it’s accepted for guys to do that,” I’ll say this. No, it’s not. For every guy out of college who says something like this, there’s another guy there saying “dude, don’t be gross.” Because that’s not a socially acceptable way to behave. Our society overall thinks frat boys are gross. They’re certainly portrayed that way in movies and television.
Men are victims of gender inequality in a different way. We complain about being expected to be a homemaker and raise kids. But men are expected to work their whole lives. My brother doesn’t want to date right now because he doesn’t feel like he’s financially stable enough to have a girlfriend. That’s sad. That isn’t even a thought I would have in my head, since a lady in society doesn’t have that kind of standard put on her.
And worse, men are expected not to cry about it when things get tough. That’s shitty. I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t allowed to cry about things. Men are human beings, too.
When people accuse men of thinking with their dicks, that’s every bit as offensive as saying women are mad because they’re PMSing. Stop doing this. Because it both offends nice people and gives gross people from both genders permission to behave like lunatics. And if you’re going to complain about the word “pussy” being used to mean coward, then complain about the word “dick” to mean jerk.
So many feminists seek to get justice from men who wronged them by accusing the whole gender of being that way. That is what embarrasses me about being a feminist. Have I been wronged by men? Sure. I’ve been stalked on the subway and had to pull out my pepper spray. I’ve had to hit a man in the balls because he grabbed my ass out of nowhere. I’ve been poked, prodded, and told to get in a car. But the moment we start thinking that this is a thing all men do, or that a man couldn’t possibly empathize with this stuff, we start treating the opposite gender like they’re inferior.
We’re a social species. We need each other. We’re all just people, and I think if we start treating each other that way, and treating people on a case-by-case basis instead of lumping them into a group, the better off we will be when it comes to the big issues like rape and equal pay. And that goes toward men, too.
Sorry if this is rambly. I’ve just been thinking about it for a while.
